The Sapping Want

Desire is such a strange thing. I’ve had periods of life where I honestly didn’t feel like I needed anything. I remember strongly a Christmas where someone asked me what was on my list, and I had nothing come to mind. I’m not rich, and I’m not trying to brag; I just felt content with the food I could afford and the clothes on my back, as well as a book or entertaining distraction to spend evenings with.
Yet I’ve also had periods in my life of intense desire, desire so strong I can feel it moment to moment, sucking like a vacuum at my insides, pulling my cheeks in on my face, making my bones tremble. Currently, I’m in one of those periods.
Its so strange, my situation day-to-day has not changed drastically. I’ve had a good two months of enjoyment and happiness, but now its suddenly not enough to cross the chasm.
Perhaps the religious folk are correct; our bodies contain some insatiable immortal soul unable to be content with the things of this world. But if this is true, how can we suggest contentment with all situations?
On the other hand, I suppose the desire for more is a drive. Its this deep desire that is moving my fingers across my keyboard at this moment. But I’ve also written and produced work out of an overflow of joy and happiness at high times in life.
How can we, humanity, slay the beast of desire? It ruins families, sexual relationships, financial peace and independence, and creates obesity and sickness. Why can’t the chasm be filled, be brought to enough?
I’m of a futurist philosophy. I reject the idea of contentment rising from some internal state achieved through dogma or self-flagellation of the ego. Why can’t we view desire the way some view age, as a disease capable of cure?
I don’t suggest curing desire by feeding it. That’s like curing a rash by scratching it. I mean, find a balm or tweak to the human system of thought. Maybe it could only happen by changing the physiology of a person. But perhaps there is a way through “brain-hacking” oneself. Ironically, this is pretty much what religious dogma might be doing.
I see myself as a christian. I look with hope at the words from Matthew 11:
28 ‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.’

I don’t mean this in the manner of a prosperity gospel. Contentedness does not mean every whim of will is met. I just feel frustrated that this doesn’t seem to play out, or at least this sits in tension with so much else in the words of the Bible.
Really, I just want to be content again. I don’t want to be drawn to provocative images, or fancy tech, or beautiful art (insofar as I feel the desire to own it privately). I want the vacuum to dissipate.

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